Reasons Why You’re Addicted to the Narcissist

Narcissists can be incredibly addictive and all-consuming. They seem to know exactly what you need and the bond between a narcissist and their victim is very real. You may feel like you cannot survive without them. You crave their love and attention, and feel utterly lost without it. In this article, I will explain why you are addicted to the narcissist, and how you can quit them – forever!

Disclaimer: Please note, I am not a mental health professional. Everything that I mention in this post, is based off my personal experience/s and years of my own research. It should not be considered as medical advice or a substitute for therapy. 

Narcissists can make you feel on top of the world, when they are treating you well. But narcissists will be inconsistent with you, and this unpredictable behaviour leaves you wanting, and needing them, more and more.

They can go from obsessively messaging you, to ignoring you (for no particular reason) or they may ghost you altogether!

This can send you down a path of obsessively checking your phone for messages from them, thinking about them all the time, and constantly trying to analyse their behaviour.

You feel totally out of control when you’re unable to contact them. You’ll be anxious, stressed and uneasy. All you want is one message, something – ANYTHING!

You can almost feel yourself slipping into a state of madness. You feel a sense of panic and doom, and you can’t seem to shake the feeling off, no matter what you do.

The narcissist is really quite crafty! They are well aware of how this type of ‘hot and cold’ behaviour will mess with your head.

They enjoy seeing you spiralling out of control, and they ‘get off’ on all the attention you are giving them.

This sad reality is, this inconsistent behaviour can cause a very real addiction to the narcissist.

And, it’s a dangerous addiction!

The dopamine rush you get when they finally contact you, is one hell of a high and you are always looking for your next ‘hit’.

You hang onto any morsel of attention they give you and willingly accept the crumbs they occasionally offer you.

When they go quiet again (or when they discard you) you’re in withdrawal, and you will feel like you can’t survive. Your mind, body and soul will be crying out for them.

All you’ll be able to think about, is the narcissist!

You’ll be incessantly trying to work out what you have done wrong, how you can fix it, and trying to figure out a way to get a response from them. Or, (if they discarded you) how to win them back.

The narcissist, sadly, has now become your top priority and nothing else seems to matter anymore.

This addiction to the narcissist can (and will) affect everything in your life.

Your career will suffer, you’ll start to isolate from loved ones, and neglect all the other important things in your life. And, you’ll stop taking care of yourself, entirely.

You may also start drinking too much, or taking drugs to take the ‘edge’ off the sheer agony you are going through.

Your mental health will plummet, and you’ll be majorly depressed and unable to see a way through it all.

This is the reality of any addiction.

Highly traumatised individuals are, unfortunately, very susceptible to narcissistic abuse. They may have been raised by a narcissist and/or experienced childhood abandonment, for example.

These people are looking for someone to fill the gaping hole inside their heart and ‘heal’ their emotional wounds.

They need someone to make them feel loved, worthy and valuable. They will often have addictive personalities too, which makes them perfect targets.

The narcissist is adept at luring others in with dishonesty, false promises and a fake persona. They have a knack for getting inside their victims head, determining their weaknesses, and discovering their traumas.

They will then use this knowledge to their advantage, giving their target everything they want, and so desperately need.

This creates a powerful bond between the narcissist and their victim. A bond that can be immensely hard to break.

Over time, the narcissists true nature inevitably emerges, and the abuse begins. Their victim will stick around, hoping that they will change and longing for how it “used to be.”

The narcissist will occasionally offer some semblance of love and affection, and the victim will cling onto that, for dear life!

The narcissists victim becomes addicted to the ongoing abuse and trauma. And, all the emotional, physical and chemical reactions that go along with it.

The uncertainty, the ups and down, the chaos and drama are exciting!

As painful as it is, it’s also a massive thrill.

Highly traumatised people find it hard to be in healthy relationships, as they learnt (often at a young age) how to adapt and survive in chaotic situations. This way of living, is ‘normal’ to them.

I have been there myself. Completely and utterly addicted to the narcissist! Well, actually, MULTIPLE narcissists. I know how hard it is, and I understand what you are going through.

But, there is a way through this!

The first step to breaking the addiction to your narcissist, is to cut contact – all contact. There is absolutely no other option here.

If you have kids with them, it’s obviously much more complicated. But you can still emotionally disconnect from them, and not give them any of your energy.

You will need to sit with yourself, your pain and your overwhelming desire to contact them.

Do not look at their social media – resist all urges to stalk them! Do not even allow yourself to think about them! If you do these things, you are only feeding your addiction.

It won’t be easy, initially. In fact, it will be downright awful.

Take some time to really think about your core wound/s, and why you feel, think and behave the way you do.

Once you identify the main trauma that shaped you as a person, you can start to understand and accept that THIS is the void you are trying to fill.

The narcissist was just there to distract you from that original pain, and served as a way to avoid dealing with it all.

The narcissist is not the real problem here. The problem, is YOU. I know that may seem harsh, but it’s true.

Yes, the narcissist is an awful person, but your reaction to them and to the abuse, is your responsibility.

Only you can save yourself, and as much as it feels like you are helpless, you are not!

You have the choice to put yourself first, from now on. To love yourself enough to never allow yourself to end up in another toxic relationship again.

Once you see this for what it really is, you will realise that you don’t actually need the narcissist, at all!

Learn to embrace solitude and the peace that comes with being alone. It’s a beautiful thing.

Once you have broken the addiction to narcissistic abuse, you will experience a feeling of freedom that you will never want to lose again.

Chaos and abuse is not love! No matter what you may have learned as a child.

Stop the insidious cycle of going from one toxic relationship, to the next.

Stop constantly seeking something outside of yourself to ‘fix’ you, or ‘complete’ you. Stop betraying yourself and hurting yourself, over and over.

Just, STOP!

Break the generational curse of abuse, trauma and addiction, and enjoy the power and control you now have over your life!

Trust me, once you experience this feeling, you will never want, need or desire the narcissist again!

Unsure whether you are dating a narcissist, or not? – check out my other post 8 Signs You Are More Than Likely Dating a Narcissist.

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