15 Signs Your Friend is a Narcissist

Do you have a friend that is manipulative? Are they always criticising and judging you? Does something in your gut tell you, that they don’t have your best interests at heart? In this post, I discuss the classic traits and warning signs, to help you determine if your friend is a narcissist!

Disclaimer: Please note, I am not a mental health professional. Everything that I mention in this post, is based off my personal experience/s and years of my own research. It should not be considered as medical advice or a substitute for therapy. 

The narcissistic friend loves to give you backhanded compliments. It’s their way of insulting you, but in a covert way. They may say something like, “those jeans make you look skinny!”

If you have a minor disagreement (rather than communicating the issue directly with you) they will sulk and act ‘moody’, or give you the silent treatment.

They will also start sending blunt replies to your messages, take longer to respond to you, or ignore your message entirely.

Narcissists seem unable to resolve issues, in a mature manner.

When they think you’re not looking, you may notice them giving you an evil and nasty stare. If you catch them in the act, they will quickly change their expression to a fake and rather awkward smile.

That is the classic “mask slip” of a narcissist!

Narcissists expect special treatment from others, as they think they are superior beings.

They’ll want the best table at the restaurant and the best seat on the plane. They will get annoyed if someone is served before them and will often make a scene.

They will try to assert dominance over others, through intimidation and bullying.

Some “covert” narcissists won’t behave in such a brash manner, they will be much more subtle about it.

A narcissistic friend will talk down to you and patronise you. They will treat you like you are completely and utterly stupid.

If you happen to be more knowledgeable on a topic, they will be dismissive and get annoyed with you. They will treat you with contempt and will roll their eyes at you.

The narcissistic friend will always find ways to criticise you. They will find fault in everything you do, everything you love and everything you enjoy.

They may make fun of your hairstyle, the way you do your make-up, or your choice of partner.

They also have double standards. They can dish out all the criticism they like to you, but if you dare to do the same, they will become angry and defensive.

They will say you are “judging” them, when you are merely giving them advice or expressing genuine concern about something.

Some narcissists will lash out at you, and may even end your friendship.

The narcissistic friend does not want to see you shine, because it takes the spotlight off them. If you are doing well at something, they will find a way to ruin it for you.

For example, if you’re offered a new job, they may say something bad about the role and/or slander the company.

Their goal is to plant seeds of doubt and fear in your head, so that you end up rejecting the job offer.

If you start dating someone new, they will say mean things about the person. They may make jokes about your new beau’s looks, or their job, etc.

If you are in a relationship, they will try to convince you that person is no good for you. They may also suggest the person is being unfaithful to you, or mistreating you in some way, when they are not.

They will make out they are being kind and caring and protective of you. But the sad reality is, they are jealous and they don’t want to see you happy.

The narcissistic friend will be envious of your looks, your relationships, your career, your figure, your sense of style – everything!

If someone has a crush on you, they will absolutely hate it. They will usually start flirting with the person, in the hopes that they start crushing on them, instead!

If your friend is a narcissist, they will always be competing with you. If you lose 10 pounds, they will lose 15. If you get a new hair cut and colour, that is particularly flattering, they will do the same.

If you talk about how great your partner is, they will boast about all the wonderful things their partner does for them.

Narcissists are master manipulators and they know exactly what buttons to push, to get you right where they want you.

They will guilt trip you into doing things for them and they can’t seem to take no for an answer.

They will also use this manipulation tactic to get away with bad behaviour. For example, they may say something snarky about your new love interest and when you tell them off, they will say, “I only said that because I care about you! I don’t know why I bother trying to help you.”

Narcissistic friends want to be the centre of your world. They may get upset when you spend time with other people and when you do things without them.

They may start saying horrible things about the other people in your life, and try to convince you that they are “bad friends” and that they don’t really like you.

Sometimes they may make up blatant lies about others, to turn you against them.

Narcissistic friends will sometimes bring a third party into your friendship. They do this with the sole purpose of causing conflict between you.

It may start out innocently enough, with your friend inviting them to join you for lunch, etc. But over time, they will start spending more and more time with this new person, purposefully leaving you out.

They will tell you how amazing this new friend is, how beautiful or good-looking they are, and will boast about the things they do together.

You are left feeling hurt, betrayed, confused, and rejected. This is want they want, as it feeds their ego and makes them feel powerful.

You will find that they lie regularly and are generally dishonest with you. They will lie about themselves, about you and about others.

They will lie about their accomplishments, to seem much more successful than they really are. You just never really know what to believe with them!

You may find yourself catching them out in a lie, but are too afraid to say anything to them. So you just let it go, to avoid any drama.

Narcissists are very judgmental people. They will talk about others negatively, frowning upon their lifestyle, and their choices.

The funny this is, they have usually done (or are actively doing) the very same things they are condemning others for doing!

They will treat you really well one day, and then they will be horrible to you the next.

You will look forward to the days that they are kind to you, but you’ll be always be anxiously awaiting the next shift in their mood.

A narcissist does not apologise, not genuinely anyway. They will usually say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

On rare occasions, they may say they are “sorry”, but only because they know that’s what you want to hear. It isn’t a real apology – it’s a faux apology and (undoubtedly) they will be back to their old ways in no time.

If your friend is a narcissist, they will definitely gaslight you at some stage!

They will deny certain things they have done to you. They will tell you that you’re remembering things “incorrectly”, or they will flat out deny it saying, “that never happened!”

This cruel tactic, causes you to doubt yourself and your reality. You may end up going along with whatever the narcissist says, just to avoid any drama between the two of you.

If you have a friend that is behaving in these ways, the chances are they are a narcissist! Please proceed with caution.

The narcissistic friend will always want to be better than you. Their egos are so huge and they simply can’t stand to be in your shadow!

They will find ways to destroy your career, relationships, self-worth and confidence to ensure you are inferior to them – at all times.

Try to distance yourself from them, if you can. Let them know that you will not tolerate their behaviour, and if they don’t change (a narcissist never will) then think about cutting them out of your life.

If you allow them to get too inside your head, they can really affect your mental wellbeing.

Is your new love interest a narcissist? Check out: 8 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist.

Worried you may be working for a one? Learn all the signs here: 9 Warning Signs of a Narcissistic Boss

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