4 Ways Adult ADHD Can Impact Your Life

Adult ADHD can affect our lives in so many ways, and it definitely has a dark side. There’s much more to it than forgetting where we put our keys, being disorganised and a little bit ‘quirky’. Or the stereotypical assumption that we all bounce around all day in a manic, hyperactive state.

The truth is, it’s rough. Really rough!

It’s an emotional rollercoaster of epic proportions.

In this post, I’ll be talking about the ways that Adult ADHD affects our lives in a negative way, and all the challenges we face!

As someone with late-diagnosed ADHD, I know how incredibly hard it can be!

Read about my personal struggle with undiagnosed ADHD, and how it nearly ruined my life.

Disclaimer: Please note, I am not a mental health professional. Everything that I mention in this post, is based off my personal experience/s and years of my own research. It should not be considered as medical advice or a substitute for therapy. 

Our brains don’t have the same levels of dopamine as neurotypical people, so we constantly crave excitement, which can lead to many problems.

How this affects us:

• We have short attention spans and get bored very easily. This can be in relation to anything. Once the novelty wears off, we’re over it!
• We can’t seem to stick with things, unless we’re extremely passionate about it. If it doesn’t give us a wee thrill, it’s probably going to seem boring to us
• If we don’t have a positive way to obtain dopamine, we can often end up turning to the dark side and find ourselves getting into trouble
• We may drink excessively, be addicted to shopping and/or sleep around
• Anything that gives us an immediate dopamine hit, is enticing to us
• Long-term goals or projects can be very hard
• We tend to give up on something, if there is no immediate reward
• We are master procrastinators!

Some of us have problems with friendships, as we struggle to maintain them. We can be inconsistent communicators.

Chatting to people (and hanging out) is hard work sometimes, and we can be super lazy and often pretty fatigued.

Some people don’t like us because of our ‘quirks’ and differences. We may feel like we never really ‘fit in’ with others.

We can find ourselves putting on a ‘mask’ when we are around other people, and we feel like others can sense we are a little bit different.

We can also be the types to cancel on our friends often, because some days, we just don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it all.

Sometimes we just need time to be alone and be our true selves for a while, before putting the ‘mask of normality’ back on.

Socialising is something that should be fun and enjoyable, but it can really send us into an anxiety attack.

For example, you’re chatting to someone and desperately trying to focus on what they are saying and mirroring their body language (at the same time) to seem more ‘normal’ to them.

You’ll probably be analysing their every micro-expression too, for signs that they can see you’re a total fraud. You’re convinced they know you are not being yourself.

You feel sweaty, trapped and more than anything, want to run away. But you don’t, because you desperately want to be accepted, so you soldier on, until the bitter end.

By the end of it, you feel like you have run a mental marathon. You then spend the rest of the day overanalysing the entire thing.

You beat yourself up, for coming across like a complete idiot. You feel ashamed to even exist, and you’re riddled with anxiety.

Because of these kinds of scenarios, we may dread any kind of socialising. Some of us may prefer to be loners, to avoid social interactions, entirely.

We can also find intimate relationships very overwhelming, and some of us may choose to stay single, because it’s just easier being alone!

This is another (often overlooked) symptom of adult ADHD. Our emotions tend to control us, rather than us controlling them.

We tend to be impatient, irritable and often blurt things out without thinking. This inevitably upsets others around us.

We can have wicked mood swings, anger issues and tend to be unpredictable. A lot of us with ADHD get very depressed at times too.

We feel consumed by our emotions and deal with an almost constant underlying anxiety. We’re always worried about something.

Us ADHDers spend so much time overthinking and overanalysing every interaction we have, that we are in an (almost) permanent state of mental exhaustion and burnout.

Our brains have to work much harder than a neurotypicals. So, we can get very grumpy!

We also tend to have a chaotic inner voice, that tells us we are not good enough and floods our minds with negative and pessimistic thoughts.

Read about my experience with “My Inner Voice From Hell” here.

One thing I struggled with, was alcohol. It was my best friend and my worst enemy. I would turn to it when things in life became unbearable.

I used it to mask my social anxiety, as it would take all my fears away and give me false feeling of confidence.

I would turn into the life of the party! But, I would drink until I blacked out, as I absolutely lacked the ability to put the booze down. I just kept going and going.

I would turn into a horrible person and I would say hurtful things to people. I destroyed many relationships and got myself into a lot of trouble.

This was actually my attempt to self-medicate my (then undiagnosed) adult ADHD.

I have since read so many stories about other undiagnosed ADHDer’s that had the same issue with alcohol and/or drugs.

Once I was diagnosed and started medication, things changed. I no longer needed alcohol to get through life.

The medication seems to fill the void that I was trying to fill, for so many years.

I’m not trying to promote medication, as everyone is different. But for me, personally, they changed my life.

Sometimes we can (consciously or subconsciously) set ourselves up for failure. We can do this by over-committing to something, knowing full well we can’t possibly complete the task, as required.

This then gives us an excuse to be horrible to ourselves, for ‘failing’ yet again.

This could also look like, choosing a partner that you know is not good for you, at all. Or continuing to do something, even though you know is affecting your life negatively.

The other thing is, that we are often perfectionists. We set high standards for ourselves, and some of us are even deemed to be ‘over-achiever’s.’

If there is something we are passionate about, it has to be perfect! The thing is, we often see fault where there isn’t any. This can be a huge problem.

We can be way too hard on ourselves and we sometimes give up, before we have even really tried. We can sabotage a great opportunity (or talent), because we were too busy nit-picking our own work and convincing ourselves it wasn’t ‘good enough.’

Read more about the link between ADHD and perfectionism.

I know how hard it is to feel different from others. To feel like everything is impossible sometimes, and wishing you had a different brain – a brain that didn’t fight you at every turn.

The best thing you can do for yourself, is to let go of your own high expectations, and your own harsh judgement of yourself.

Forgive yourself for anything ‘bad’ you’ve ever done. It can be easier said than done though, I get it.

Tell your inner voice that’s telling you you’re a “failure” and that you’ll “never succeed at anything” to shut up!

Accept you are a little different and embrace it, because ADHD really can be a superpower.

We are often highly intelligent, creative and very gifted people. We just lack direction sometimes and subsequently, motivation.

Once you learn to stop being so hard on yourself, that will lift the enormous pressure to be ‘perfect’ that you have putting on yourself, for so long.

Figure out what makes you tick and what inspires you. Try to tap into your authentic self and your true passions.

You have one life, so make the most of the precious time you have. Try not to waste it overthinking, procrastinating and sabotaging yourself.

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