12 Ways Workplace Bullying Can Affect You

Workplace bullying can affect you in lots of different ways and the emotional devastation that it can cause, is all too real. It can leave you traumatised, lacking in confidence and doubting your self-worth.

I know first-hand how much damage bullying can do. My first experience of being bullied was at school, by an older group of teenage girls. They were absolutely awful to me and they made my life a living hell, for years.

They destroyed my confidence and self-esteem entirely. I was scared to go to school every day, and lived with constant anxiety. I became a shadow of myself.

Bullies (of all kinds) seemed to follow me wherever I went in life. It was like they had a weird “sixth sense” for sniffing me out. Almost like I had been marked by them in some way.

At almost every job I had as an adult, I was relentlessly tormented and psychologically abused by someone.

It was usually a manager, or a person I reported to in some way. Although, a couple of them were colleagues.

These horrible people all had track records of bullying others and I was just another one of their victims.

At the time, I thought there must have been something wrong with me. That I must be worthless, unlikable and useless.

With each new experience, these perceptions of myself became more and more valid. I took it on, as truth. I started to believe their idea of who I was. I totally lost myself and my identity.

Honestly, it changed me as a person. I became more cynical and negative. Afraid of people and of the workplace. I doubted myself and my skills, and I really feared for my future.

Disclaimer: Please note, I am not a mental health professional. Everything that I mention in this post, is based off my personal experience and/or years of my own research. It should not be considered as medical advice or a substitute for therapy.

According to research, workplace bullies tend to be highly narcissistic people. There are generally two types of them that you may come across:

Some bullies are more subtle. The passive aggressive remarks, the sneers and the backhanded compliments. The gossiping and gaslighting and turning others against you.

They are more sneaky in their tactics and it makes it hard to know how to respond, when someone is not overtly aggressive.

They might monitor your every movement, making sure you’re not having long lunches or too many toilet breaks.

They will (sometimes) even go so far as to make up lies about you to try and get you fired.

If you are particularly good at your job, they may see you as a threat to their very existence – a threat that must be taken out swiftly!

These people are master manipulators and game players. They love making you doubt yourself (and your sanity) if you dare to call them out on their behaviour.

Before you have a chance to lay a complaint against them, they will probably go to HR saying you are the one bullying them, or some other ridiculous accusation.

They quite often have HR wrapped around their little finger, so it’s all rigged against you from the start.

You may end up with written warnings, verbal threats and you may even lose your job. They know how to play this game, they’ve done it many times.

They work like a pack of wolves, devouring the weak.

We all know this one, the loud and brash person, who is arrogant and completely in love with themselves. They also expect everyone else to be in love with them, and if you’re not, watch out.

They will make it their mission to destroy you, your self-worth and your livelihood. This is the punishment for not worshipping the ground they walk on, for daring to question them or refusing to work long hours.

They will expect you to sacrifice your soul for the job. If you don’t, they will set out to take your job from you. If you make one little mistake, you’re the worst employee ever!

Even if your work is perfect 99.9% of the time, they will focus on the one mistake and overlook all the other excellent work you have done.

Unfortunately, the only way to win over this type is to pander to them, to fawn over them and make them feel superior. Their ego is so fragile that the slightest thing can set them off on a maniacal rage.

On very rare occasions, If you tell them (politely) how their behaviour is affecting you, they will give you a fake apology and promise to change.

But just like an abusive partner, they will fall back into old patterns in no time. More often than not, any attempt to convey your feelings to them, and they will seek to annihilate you.

You really can’t win with these types of people.

It can feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them, frightened to say or do something that will anger them. You’ll be on high alert at all times, unable to relax and struggling to focus on your work.

You may be so anxious about going to work the next day, that you can’t sleep properly. Your mind will be racing all night, thinking about the things you will have to endure the next day.

You may even spend your weekends, dreading going to work and not being able to enjoy your time off.

With all the emotional turmoil you’re going through, you may end up with depressive symptoms.

Depression is different for everyone, but it may feel like you are losing your spark. You might not enjoy the things you used to. You may also have dark thoughts, and not feel like yourself anymore.

You may lose your appetite, or start eating more than usual.

Please seek professional help if you think you may be showing any signs of depression.

Being bullied in the workplace (especially by a boss) can cause you to feel like you aren’t good at your job. You may lose confidence in yourself, your skills and your abilities.

You may also feel like you are a “bad” person, and that something is wrong with you.

Due to the stress you are going through, you may find yourself being distant with your friends and family.

This can be due to sheer exhaustion, or even because you feel ashamed of your situation. It can also be a symptom of depression and/or anxiety.

Some people may turn to drugs, alcohol or over-eating, to escape the suffering and to comfort themselves.

You might feel as though you are trapped at your job, with no way out. This may lead to feeling helpless and hopeless.

Often, after experiencing prolonged workplace bullying, you can find yourself losing all the ambition and drive that you once had.

Sometimes, it can also lead to prolonged unemployment, due to a fear of being bullied again.

After going through such a traumatic experience, it is normal to find yourself being more negative and pessimistic about life.

It can be hard to trust people after being emotionally abused. You may start to assume the worst about people, and believe that everyone is going to hurt you.

You might become guarded, and afraid to be open and vulnerable with others.

It is also quite possible to develop physical symptoms of stress, especially if the stress is for an extended period of time.

You may suffer from headaches, nausea, skin issues, changes to your weight, body/joint pain and fatigue.

Some people may develop symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, after experiencing workplace bullying.

For example, loud voices, doors slamming, and/or people sneaking up on you, may trigger a fight or flight response.

If you do experience anything like this, it is crucial that you seek professional help.

Whatever you do, do not take on the perception of you, that they have created. It is completely and utterly false perception. This perception is not reality.

The perception they have created of you, is actually how they perceive themselves and frankly, they hate themselves. They are the weak ones, not you.

Bullies are complete cowards and they are without empathy.

They are full of anger and self-hatred and they desperately need to project that somewhere. As they will never be able to self-reflect and acknowledge their faults, they will make it their mission to destroy you, instead.

Essentially, they are projecting all of their feelings about themselves, onto you. It gives them a feeling of being powerful and boosts their fragile ego.

If they actually took the time to assess how broken and damaged they are as people, it would destroy them. They simply could not handle it.

As workplace bullies are almost always narcissists (or even psychopaths), your only real option is limited contact or no contact.

This means, you need to find another job, stat! Or even better, work for yourself if you can.

You can definitely try laying a complaint through HR (If your workplace has one) and take the legal route. Sadly, from my experience, it usually makes things worse. You may have better luck than me, though.

The main thing is, you need to be safe! You need to be free from that toxic environment, whatever that takes. The longer you are there, the more damage is done.

Please make sure you share your situation with family and/or friends (if you have them). Also, consider therapy, or joining a trauma group of some sort, to share your story.

Trust me, you will need a strong support system in place.

Make sure you take care of yourself during this time. Try to get regular exercise, take warm baths, get a massage, binge watch your favourite TV series, cuddle your furbaby and spend time with loved ones.

Also, practice self-affirmations daily, to undo all the negativity these awful ‘humans’ poured onto you. Over time, you will start to believe the positive things you are telling yourself.

Check out my other post about about narcissistic bosses – 9 Warning Signs of a Narcissistic Boss.

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